Ask Ceil – Last Monday

I am sitting at the car dealership, amongst balloons that say "Get your way andthe highway," having my enormous minivan serviced. I've been putting it off for a while, partly because my van is an indispensable tool in my average day, and partly because I wanted to put as much distance between Christmas and a … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Last Monday

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Ask Ceil – Let Groundhogs Entertain You!

Dear Ceil, Why Groundhog Day? Why?! Pestered in Petersberg Dear Pestered, I concur. Just take a look at them. They have no right to their own holiday. Groundhogs are evil beasts of carnage. They have huge top and bottom teeth that never stop growing. To keep them short, they are biologically driven to gnaw on … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Let Groundhogs Entertain You!

Ask Ceil – Elect a Cookie

Dear Ceil, What's the difference between a primary caucus and a primary election in the US? Aren't they the same thing? Electable in Emporia Dear Electable, They are similar, but different enough to be called two different things by people who care about this sort of stuff. Also, they vary by state. Let's take a … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Elect a Cookie

Ask Ceil – Forget the Resolutions

Dear Ceil Should old acquaintance be forgot? Forgetful in Falls Church Dear Forgetful, Sure. Who was that guy who sat next to you in PoliSci 101? Not the one who cheated off your paper during the mid-term; who didn't know the definition of a coup d'etat; who, when asked "Who was the leader of the … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Forget the Resolutions

Ask Ceil – Holiday Advice

Dear Ceil, With the holidays coming up, how do I keep from gaining 20 pounds over the next two weeks? Fat in Fargo Dear Fat, I share this concern. I come from a large Italian family that considers food just a shade less sacred than the baby Jesus. Our Christmas dinner usually comes in courses … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Holiday Advice

Ask Ceil – The Color of Cats and Dogs

Dear Ceil, I understand there's a Color of the Year every year. Do we know the color of the year for 2012 yet? Blue in Greenville Dear Blue, According to the Pantone Color Institute the color of the year for 2012 is Tangerine Tango. It is, as they describe, a "spirited reddish orange". It looks … Continue reading Ask Ceil – The Color of Cats and Dogs

Ask Ceil – Stuff It

Dear Ceil, Why do we stuff turkeys for Thanksgiving? Stuffed in Stamford Dear Stuffed, A very long time ago, right after we discovered fire and began to cook things, we decided that it would be a good idea to put food inside our food. Perhaps we did not own much cookware then, and in lieu … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Stuff It

Ask Ceil – Glee. Yawn.

Dear Ceil, As a US Citizen, am I required to watch Glee? Pressured in Pomona Dear Pressured, No. As a matter of fact, I am standing with you. I am coming out as a Glee-less American. It's not that I have anything against...whatever it is that they do on that show. It's simply that I … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Glee. Yawn.

Ask Ceil – The Prize for Brain Damage

Dear Ceil, If a car door is moving at 10 mph towards a person's head, at a distance of 2 feet, how long will the person be incapacitated? --Concussed in Carolina Dear Concussed, At exactly that speed, at exactly that distance... no one knows. However, if you're wearing a helmet... still, no one knows. It … Continue reading Ask Ceil – The Prize for Brain Damage

Ask Ceil – Shaken Cake

Dear Ceil, Did you feel that earthquake? Shaken in Saratoga Dear Shaken, No, at the time of the earthquake I was jackhammering up the sidewalk, and also running a backhoe while riding a tractor on my farm (whose produce I will be canning) because I'm building an apocalypse shelter so that I can spend the … Continue reading Ask Ceil – Shaken Cake