Ask Ceil – Location, Location

Dear Ceil,

Kansas is a wonderful state, filled with great people! It really burns me up when people talk about it like it’s filled with nothing but middle-America hicks, and your post two weeks ago didn’t help this. How do I respond to people who say Kansas doesn’t matter?

—Chagrined in Wichita

Dear Chagrined,

I am so sorry; I did not mean to infer anything in particular about native Kansans.

Kansas is definitely not filled with middle-America hicks. If that were the case, there would be people in Kansas. It is, instead, largely filled with nothing. I’m sure that the people who are in Kansas are a wonderful, baseball-watching, cherry-pie baking, strong-grip-handshaking people; there just aren’t that many of them. If you counted all of the people in Kansas, there are about 100K more than there are in Chicago.

It is no wonder. Five of the top ten largest cities (by population) in Kansas are actually part of the Kansas City metro area. Which is, of course, in Missouri. And the phrase most often associated with Kansas’ 14th largest city is “I’ve got to get the hell out of Dodge.” So, I feel like Kansas could be doing more to encourage people to stay.

But fear not, dear Kansan. You have the legacy of Dorothy and Toto on your side. That’s more than Nebraska has. Plus, you’ve got Fort Leavenworth. You’ve got Cessna, Beechcraft, Boeing and Learjet in case you like to fly, and Blue Cross Blue Shield in case you crash.

Dear Ceil,

I’ve just gotten an email from a Nigerian Prince who would like to give me money and I’m wondering, are there actually princes in Nigeria?

—Lucky in Louisiana

Dearest Lucky,

Yes, there are Nigerian princes. They are just like everyone else. Except that they stupidly piss away their money.

Thank you for the question, and now I am on my way to convince several women who are dying of cancer and strokes to stop trying to fund orphanages through the internet (someone really ought to help them with their finances), and to go talk to some guy named James Roy wants to send me $5,000 every day through Western Union. Apparently the President is also in on it, though his specific role is unclear.

In a life marked by crippling indecision, Ceil Kessler has worked too many types of jobs to count, and is finally in her own business, consulting on business intelligence software. Ceil also markets and publishes the magazine “Business Perks”. Like everyone else in the world, she is working on a couple of novels. She also runs the Laurel Highlands Vegetarian Society, plays pool in her increasingly rare free time, and is an appreciator of fine wines and single-malt scotches.

If you have questions for Ceil, please send them along, or you can use the Ask Ceil-o-matic form.


3 thoughts on “Ask Ceil – Location, Location

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