With an exaggerated sweep of her arm, she whisked her velvet hat off, barely brushing her powdered cheek and its convincing mole. She executed a reverent curtsy, tails from her jacket and sparkling fringe from her nude mini-skirt nearly brushing the floor. And looking up from below her penciled brow, she began:
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Friday, May 24, 2013
Magic Within
Friday, January 25, 2013
Pines Against the Sky
6/2
Mark,
I wanted you to know that I’m in St. Louis. (I just drove. This is where the car ended up.) Not feeling as sunny as postcard picture. I’m sorry I ran away. I need some time. I don’t recognize the voice in my head anymore. The driving was nice. Very quiet. More later. El
Friday, September 14, 2012
In Ashes
Leslie Gray, a stout burn unit nurse, peered through her reading glasses at a business card, then up at the thin, young man, then back to the business card which revealed the various modes of communication for one James E. Silas, Esquire.
“Well, you can go in, but don’t expect much.” Fluorescent lights reflected off the bright counter surface and onto Ms. Gray’s glasses, making it difficult to see her eyes. “Old Mrs. Long hasn’t said a word since the fire three weeks ago. Took her husband, you know.”
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Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Ask Ceil – Follow You, Follow Me
Dear Ceil,
I wish there was a way to get 4000 new Twitter followers overnight. What could we possibly do?
Signed,
A Huge Telecommunications Company
Dear Company,
First, let me ask: Are you sure you’re a company? I mean, do you have an office building and a staff, or maybe a big meeting of investors every once in a while. Go ahead and check. I’ll wait.
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Friday, April 13, 2012
Ask Ceil – Rabbit Aliens!
Dear Ceil,
Is there life on other planets?
Carl Sagan1
Dear Carl1,
Yes. I know this for several reasons.
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Friday, April 6, 2012
Ask Ceil – Robotic Fun
Dear Ceil,
Why aren’t I having more fun?
Blah in Bloomfield
Dear Blah,
Well there can be several reasons you’re not having fun.
1. You might actually be having fun, and you don’t realize it.
I mean, have you actually checked? Are you at an amusement park, or dancing with a good-looking member of the opposite sex? Perhaps it’s a beautiful day and you’re at the park, playing frisbee?
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Friday, March 30, 2012
Ask Ceil – Zombie Mascots
Dear Ceil,
Why do zombies eat brains?
Undead in Utah
Dear Undead,
There are a number of reasons a zombie might want to eat brains. First and most obvious, zombies are ridiculously stupid and they are constantly trying to become smarter. Being the dull-witted, illogical non-beings they are, they figure that eating brains is the quickest path to intelligence.
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Friday, March 23, 2012
Human Accounting
Russ grabbed his brother, spun him around and hugged him. Under his breath he said, “Thank God you’re okay.”
A reluctant breeze swayed the yellowed, ruffled kitchen curtains and cigarette smoke swirled around the dingy room.
Russ then pushed Jackson back and slugged him. Jackson flew back, knocking over the kitchen table. Mother’s crystal salt and pepper shakers skidded under the pie chest.
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Friday, March 16, 2012
Ask Ceil – News Cakes
Dear Ceil,
Aren’t cupcakes just small cakes? Why are they so exciting?
Edible in Erie
Dear Edible,
I’m not sure. When something is smaller, for some reason, it’s more desirable. Like miniature poodles. Or mini cameras. Or mini aardvark/earthpigs.
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Friday, March 9, 2012
Ask Ceil – Clean and Fresh
Dear Ceil,
Isn’t the Arm & Hammer logo a little drastic for baking soda?
Fresh in Freehold
Dear Fresh,
Now let’s be honest. Do you want to get rid of the smell in your refrigerator, or do you want to pound it to death with unyielding force? Because you could get rid of an odor, or you could make it sorry it ever showed up in the first place.
But besides opening the box and sticking in your fridge, or using it in actual baking, what the heck is baking soda for? And why are we so forceful about it?
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